J.H. =Jack Harris- Announcer
G.D.= Cherry Hill High School Principle George Donaley

J.H. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to what I believe will be the most exciting event ever staged at the hollowed football field here at Cherry Hill High School! I, of course, am your announcer, Jack Harris. I have been providing the play by play for all of the Cherry Hill High School football, basketball, track, and baseball events for the last twenty years. However, tonight, I will not be giving a play-by-play of this event but more of a blow-by-blow, because tonight we bring you as unique and shocking display as has never been witnessed before: The Cherry Hill Senior Girls Ultimate Fight Club!
That?s right, ladies and gentlemen, you heard me correctly! The school stadium has never been as packed as it is tonight to see these beautiful teenaged schoolgirls, all pillars of our community, beat each other senseless! With me tonight, to explain this event to you in detail and to give a color commentary is the principal of Cherry Hill High School, Mr. George Donaley.

G.D. Thank you Jack!

J.H. Mr. Donaley, tell our audience how this event came about.

G.D. Well Jack, even though Cherry Hill is a very affluent little town, Cherry Hill High is a private school. New government policies being what they are, we were faced with having to shut down the school in the next few years, in spite of the support of some of this area?s richest families. When the predicament became general knowledge throughout the school, the young ladies of this year?s senior class decided to gladly pitch in to help their beloved alma mater. Speaking for myself, I could not be more grateful, or more proud. Every member of our audience here in the stadium has paid $200.00 dollars for their tickets, plus the pay-per-view and DVD sales. There are betting booths, which the school is making a lot of money on, and the big black street gang members who are graciously providing us with security, as well as other services, are going to buy the losers of each match for $10.00 a girl!

J.H. Could you tell us about what we are going to see tonight and from whom did the idea come?

G.D. The girls on our varsity cheerleading squad started the idea for this event. They went around to the rest of the girls in the class, and then presented the idea to the senior class as a whole, as well as to the school board and myself. It was approved unanimously.

J.H. Can you tell me how the fighters have been chosen and a little about the rules of combat?

G.D. There is to be five fights tonight. All of the young ladies in this year?s senior class were eligible to compete. The young men of the senior class then voted on whom they would like to see in the ring, and interestingly enough, what the combatants would be wearing.

J.H. So if one of the ladies fighting tonight is on the cheerleading squad, she will be fighting in uniform.

G.D. That?s right, Jack. The list was narrowed to fourteen of the most beautiful, popular girls in this school, our cheerleaders, majorettes, the prom queen, our homecoming queen, as well as some of the other gorgeous teenagers who, if their names are chosen, will be fighting in our regular school uniforms. The names we collected have been split up evenly and placed into two hats, where the names will then be drawn at random from both hats, and that is how we will determine our combatants for each fight.
As to the rules, well, there are no rules! All five fights will be ?anything goes?, bare-knuckle matches. Although we do have two doctors, a dentist, and a plastic surgeon on hand for the winners, I am afraid all these fine-looking teenaged girls might face some long-term risk in regards to their looks.

J.H. I understand that there are a few other wrinkles in this event.

G.D. Yes, Jack. Not only are the fighters going to be under no rules at all in these fights, but these are going to be ?hair fights?.

J.H. Please explain that concept to our audience.

G.D. Well, the girls have placed electric clippers on the poles that are holding up the ring ropes. The idea is that one young lady could drag her opponent over to one of the corners and shave off her hair. The first girl to be shaved bald loses. Also, the girls can lose their hair if they are knocked out or due to a technical knock out if the referee, who is our beloved football coach, determines that a young ladies life might be in danger.
Also, a few of the rounds will have certain themes that will be a surprise to the contestants and the audience as well!

J.H. Well Mr. Donaley, I must say! I have seen the pool of contestants and not only is every one of these young ladies stunning, but they all possess the most magnificent manes of hair I have ever seen! With the possible loss of their hair, not to mention damage to their faces and bodies, these contestants have a lot to loose!

G.H. Well, that is correct Jack, but they have even more at stake than just their beauty. All of these girls are very intelligent and have plans on continuing on to college and then careers. However as well as having her head shaved in front of this capacity crowd, a defeated contestant will then be given over to one of our neighboring city?s meanest black gangs, all of whom are graciously here tonight. Over one hundred and fifty of the worst gangbangers in this state are standing on the cider track ready to claim their slaves. The losers will have to endure being thrown into either of two huge garbage bins that sit right beside the ring. In those bins, along with mounds of fetid trash, are about twenty or thirty representatives of the gangs. The losers will then have to suffer a public gang-bang ritual at the hands of these big, black, demented men, then tattooing and piercings come after the girls have sufficiently recovered from their injuries, and finally, the losers will have to face the permanent removal of all the hair on their heads and bodies with the application of root-killing hair removal gel. Then they will begin a life of serving the gang as a sex-slave, a whore or a breeder, as the gang members see fit.

J.H. But Mr. Donaley, with all due respect, it is my understanding that the vast majority of the young ladies of this year?s senior class have grown up together and have been close friends for all their school careers. Are you telling our audience tonight that they are going to see real punch-ups here tonight?

G.D. Jack, I would not have believed it either. All these young women are gorgeous teenagers, most honor roll students, and almost all have known each other all their lives. They are all school and community leaders, and have shared close friendships with each other for almost as long as they have been alive. Nevertheless, as soon as this event was thought up, the senior girls gym classes were devoted to such things as boxing, wrestling, and various forms of martial arts. As early as two weeks ago, there began a rash of scuffles involving girls that had never been in trouble at school for as long as they had been attending the Cherry Hill Private School System. It was nothing major, just name calling and some slapping and hair pulling, but it really got me thinking that tonight, we just might see some pretty vicious fighting.

J.H. Now, you have two daughters in the senior class this year. Do you think we will be seeing either of them in the ring tonight?

G.D. That?s right, Jack. I do have two fraternal twin daughters, Tina and Linda. Both are on the varsity cheerleading squad and both were voted eligible by their classmates, so I think there is a chance that one or the other of them will be in the ring tonight.

J.H. How do you feel about that? Do you think their chances of victory are good?

G.D. Jack, I think either one of my daughters will do well if called to compete, and I am sure I join all the other proud parents of these wonderful young ladies when I say that I could not be more pleased and proud of their commitment to this school and pledge that their sacrifice will be remembered by this community forever!

J.H. Well said, Mr. Donaley. We are almost ready for the first fight, and the tension is mounting in this packed stadium as the first two names are being picked! We take you now to the referee, Head Football Coach Mr. John Harding, with the announcements: